How many of you wish you could head to your nearest bookstore and order a copy of Single Mothering for Dummies? Remember when you were pregnant that book, What to Expect When You Are Expecting? I can't seem to find a copy of the follow up to it called, Oh Shit, They are Teenagers Now! If you are still single when they reach this age then you have A: been a few more failed relationships. B: too exhausted from working and worrying to make ends meet to even think about a relationship. Or C: a combination of both. It is a dog eat dog world out here ladies and when you are just trying to protect and feed your pack, it is probable that you more often feel like the hors d'oeuvres than the chef.
If you are like me and on the lower section of the economic ladder, you have been through support enforcement, you have been to the social service office, and you have been to the unemployment office. You know that you the Salvation Army will help you with an electric bill in the amount of $35.00 once a year and that the local charity group CCAP is more help than any government agency has ever been. They will help every three months with either your rent or utility in the amount of $65.00 every 4 months. There are local churches that offer assistance, but unless you belong to one, it is hard to get help. By now, you should have a basic feel of the 'system' and how to maneuver in it, even if it is uncomfortable. If you don't, now is the time to get familiar with it. It can be painfully tedious and unproductive at times, but it will be an asset to help you survive.
There is a chance that you will meet Prince Charming, or you will find a sugar daddy who treats you splendidly but I wouldn't hold my breath. If you are an hourly employee and wear a name tag, you probably have no future aspirations. Have you wondered yet, what are you going to do when the kids graduate? What are the kids going to do when they graduate? What do YOU WANT YOUR kids to do when they graduate? If your answer to the last question was, go to college, then I suggest you do it yourself. Children learn by example, so be one for them. Show them that college is possible, regardless of your social or economic status. What have you got to lose? If you are reading this, then you have given thought to a solution or a way out of your current situation. Whether the desire for improvement stems from wanting to help yourself or your children, it does not matter, you CAN do this.
Dig and look deep, there is strength there, even if you have never been able to tap into it before. The resources to help you succeed are there also. I can not promise that you will always perform the 'dance' gracefully, but I can promise that you WILL learn the dance routine. Come recital time, you will be able to get up there on the stage and dance with the rest of them, even if you are wearing second hand leotards. I hope that you are asking HOW right now. If so, then keep Reading.
The first step is to have children with your dinner tonight and listen to them, actively, not passively. Block out the rest of the world, including everything you are worried about and everything on your to do list to just listen to them for one hour. Give them your 'undivided attention' really. Turn off the phone, the TV, and the computer and just LISTEN. Listen to what they take joy from in their daily routine, be aware of how they take joy just from being in close proximity to you, and then take a vow. Say 'I DO' to your children, marry yourself to your family as it is and then commit to making it all it can be. After you put the kids to bed, get a copy of last year's taxes, pour a glass of wine sit down at your computer and put your google to good use. Find the name, only the name, of the Community College closest to you (NOT UNIVERSITY OF PHOENIX). There is no need to visit the campus yet and don't worry about what classes you will be taking, just click here:
https://fafsa.ed.gov/FAFSA/app/fafsa?locale=en_US
The form is very user friendly, and if you get stuck while filling it out, there are numbers to call or you can let me know by replying to this and I will help. DO NOT, while you are filling this out, over think things. Don't get caught up on the little but overpowering thoughts like, "I wasn't a good student in school", "I hated school", or "It will be too hard." First, I can assure you that of course it will be hard, but so is surviving solo day to day and you have done that. You may have hated school previously because, chances are, that you attended a public school that was diffused with social stigmas and where status was more important than learning. You may have been a bad student because you were forced to take subjects that you had no special interest in. You may never have been taught HOW to study. However, not one of these excuses holds any relevancy when you are at a Junior College.
Socially, there is such a broad mix of students: young, old, middle-aged, in between. You realize you are not one of many, but one AMONG many! You are required your very first semester to take "Student Survival Skills" classes where you will learn how to study, how to get help, and how to take classes that are particular to your interest. There is a whole school faculty that wants you to succeed and is willing to do whatever it takes to help you. All that you have to do is show up with the desire to help yourself. The professors are very responsive to this desire in students and you will be amazed at how far just the desire to help yourself actually propels you forward into the actuality of helping yourself!! This is not about what you are going to learn or what your are going to 'be', well, not yet anyway. At this stage it is about taking the first, and hardest, step: committing to improving yourself and the lives of your children.
In the next blog, we will talk about Financial Aid and the importance of being Vigilant.
